Summer Scramble/Script

Chrom

 * Chrom: I'm fairly certain this is the "winners circle" she mentioned... So what do I win?
 * Merchant: Oh, you made it! This is so exciting! Since you were selected as one of the world's most popular men... the Hotrealm has decided to present you this commemorative swimsuit! Go ahead—try it on! Your fans are waiting.
 * Chrom: Huh? W-wait a second! These are those smallclothes you tried to get me to wear before!
 * Merchant: They are not smallclothes! And they cost a lot of gold to make. It's not easy getting these things tailored to royal proportions. Now march that rear end of yours into the changing room!
 * Chrom: H-hey! I'm supposed to try this on? If feels like I'm trying the rest of my garments OFF. Ugh, I guess the cape needs to come off first.. And I'll just lean my sword against here... *Wriggle, jiggle* *Boink* ...Have I got this on backwards? Tell me the Brand doesn't go in the front... Ugh, this is mortifying. I can't let Avatar and the others see me like this, or I'll— Ack! Was that a draft?
 * Merchant: Chrom? Are you finished?
 * Chrom: "Finished" is probably the an apt word, yes...
 * Merchant: Okay, then. Come on out!
 * (Chrom's CG)
 * Chrom: Here, satisfied? D-do I look okay?
 * Merchant: *Whistle* Like a perfect 10! Let's just say the Brand really brings out your royal attributes.
 * Chrom: I feel like a buffoon...
 * Merchant: What are you, crazy? You're a knockout in that!
 * Chrom: Really? ...You mean it?
 * Merchant: Trust me. Now get out there and waste some brigands!
 * Chrom: What?! I can't fight like this! Tomes are one thing, but I can't stop swords and lances in just my skin!
 * Merchant: Why not? You look plenty armed and dangerous to me. The historians would have a field day!
 * Chrom: Yeah...and so would the enemy. I'm not sure which would be worse—them stabbing me or laughing at me.
 * Merchant: Heh heh. All right, all right. I suppose I'll let you off the hook. Go ahead and change back into your armor.
 * Chrom: Thank the gods... The wind kind of...tickles...when I've got this on...
 * Merchant: Thanks for dropping by, Chrom. What did you think of your swimsuit? Pretty liberating, huh?
 * Chrom: You could say that... I'll admit my armor feels almost suffocating now that I've got it back on. It's no wonder you dress like that here in the Hotrealm.
 * Merchant: In that case, why don't you buy the swimsuit? It was expensive, but I'd be willing to part with it for, say this...paltry sum?
 * Chrom: Good gods... Aren't there at least two zeros too many on that figure? Avatar would have my head if I blew through that kind of gold.
 * Merchant: Really? That's too bad. I'll leave the offer open!

Gaius

 * Gaius: Hellooo? I'm here to collect my prize?
 * Merchant: Oh! Come on in. I'm so glad you made it! Since you were selected as one of the world's most popular men...the Hotrealm has decided to present you with this commemorative swimsuit! Go on—you can get changed in here. Don't keep your fans waiting!
 * Gaius: You want me to wear this tiny piece of scrap cloth? Nice try, honey. But a thief needs to be inconspicuous.
 * Merchant: What if I throw in a box of the Hotrealm's finest confections?
 * Gaius: ...What body part would you like me to stick this on?
 * Merchant: That's the spirit! Now, into the changing room...
 * Gaius: Me an my sweet tooth... Maybe I shouldn't have been so gung ho about this. There must be laws against parading around in your skivvies outdoors. Well, let's get it over with. I can leave my headband on, I guess... *Wobble, bobble* *CRASH* Aw, son of a—I dropped my stash! Where do my legs go in this damn thing? ...Now I've just gotta hide my candy again and—oh. Crap.
 * Merchant: Gaius? Are you done changing?
 * Gaius: ...More or less.
 * Merchant: Then come on out!
 * (Gaius' CG)
 * Merchant: Wow! Hello, hunk. Those candies on your trunks just scream, "Unwrap me."
 * Gaius: Ugh...
 * Merchant: What's wrong?
 * Gaius: I guess it would be a little sticky, but if all else fails...
 * Merchant: Hello? You listening?
 * Gaius: Oh. Sorry. I was just trying to figure out where to hide my sweets. My usual outfit is full of secret pockets and what have you, but this... And let's not even talk about what salt water would do to my stash.
 * Merchant: Well, just promise you won't get too creative with your hidey holes, okay? ...Say, how come you've got that kerchief wrapped around your forearm?
 * Gaius: Huh?! Oh, uh, you know. Long story...
 * Merchant: Injuries?
 * Gaius: Something like that.
 * Merchant: Well, if you ask me, you should be more worried about hiding that baby fat. Is that a six-pack or a one-pack?
 * Gaius: Hey! It's more than you'll ever see! Like it's not embarrassing enough to wear this clown suit... Look, you got what you wanted. I'm changing back into my own duds. I expect that box of confections in one hour, or there'll be blood to pay!
 * Merchant: Hey! Take it easy there, pal... Ah well. He can pout all he wants now that I've got what I came for... Glad you stopped by, Gaius. So what did you think of your swimsuit?
 * Gaius: I hated it. I belong in my own breeches, no question. ...But thanks for the life experience, I guess.
 * Merchant: No problem. And there I thought you'd already done it all. ...Well, here's that reward I promised.
 * Gaius: Yes! Sweet, sweet candy. Come to Papa... Hey, hold on. These are you finest confections? They look pretty ordinary to me.
 * Merchant: No, sir. See those swirls? That's seaweed we harvest. It gives the candy a salty kick.... Plus it's good for you. And you won't find anything like it elsewhere. ...And you may not want to.
 * Gaius: Heh, I see. Well, as long as it sates my sweet tooth, I won't complain. So long, Red.

Cordelia

 * Cordelia: This should be the place... Beg pardon! Is anyone here?
 * Merchant: Oh! There you are, Cordelia. You look ravishing today. Since you were selected as one of the world's most popular ladies... the Hotrealms has decided to present you with this commemorative swimsuit! Step right inside, and you can tryi it on. Your fans would like that, I'm sure.
 * Cordelia: Fans? Ah, yes. The popularity contest of which you spoke before.
 * Merchant: Ha, sharp as a tack! Can't pull a fast one on the famous Cordelia. But Don't just do this for your fans. Do it as a treat for yourself too.
 * Cordelia: All right, then. That I shall.
 * Merchant: Great! Let's get you into the changing room then.
 * Cordelia: What a charming little garment! You even picked my favorite color. I wonder if my beloved would look my way if I wore this outside... Oh, that would send me into raptures! *Fwip, shwip* *Thwunk* Ack! This leaves far too little to the imagination... And speaking of far too little... Oh, where is my breastplate when I need it? There must be some extra stockings around here or...something...
 * Merchant: Cordelia? Is everything all right?
 * Cordelia: I've finished changing... But I'm far too mortified to set foot outside...
 * Merchant: What? But you have such a wonderful figure! Let me come inside and have a look.
 * Cordelia: What? ...No! Stay out! Pleeeeeease!
 * (Cordelia's CG)
 * Cordelia: ...Ugh! Why did you have to come in?
 * Merchant: Woah! You look amazing! What was all that groaning about being mortified? Were you worried the men's hearts would stop when they saw you? Very chivalrous, but I think you can make your debut with pride.
 * Cordelia: But my...you know...
 * Merchant: Your "you know"? Why are you holding our chest like that? Are you not feeling well? Here, let me have a look... Arms wide!
 * Cordelia: Ack! No, please don't! Please, milady—NOOOOOO!
 * Merchant: ...Ohhh.
 * Cordelia: ......
 * Merchant: I get it now. You're worried your size won't cut it with the guys, is that it?
 * Cordelia: M-must you be so direct?! *Sigh* Now everyone will know my breastplate is a sham.
 * Merchant: Now, now. Don't be upset, Cordelia. We can't all have everything, you know. It's the flaws that bring out our beauty!
 * Cordelia: *Sniff* You mean it?
 * Merchant: Of course!
 * Cordelia: Well...all right. But I'd still like to put my armor back on.
 * Merchant: Take your time. I'll be waiting outside. Thank you, Cordelia. You were a good sport.
 * Cordelia: Sorry I fell apart in there.
 * Merchant: You have nothing to apologize for. Now that we've share a secret, I feel like we're sisters. To be honest, it's a relief to see a softer side of you. A legend like you can be kind of intimidating, if you know what I mean.
 * Cordelia: Hee hee. Thanks... I feel as though I have gained a sister as well. Perhaps we can share more stories once all the fighting is done.
 * Merchant: That sounds great to me.

Tharja

 * Tharja: ...Is this the place? Where is that fool of a woman who calls her own protectors away from a battlefield?
 * Merchant: Ah! Tharja! Don't you look cheery today. Since you've been selected as one of the world's most popular ladies...the Hotrealm has decided to present you with this commemorative swimsuit! You can change in here. Don't let all those eager fans down!
 * Tharja: ...... So I just have to wear this?
 * Merchant: If you don't mind. To be honest, I half expected you to threaten to hex me.
 * Tharja: I would rather get this whole horrible wasteful experience over with.
 * Merchant: Um...okay... Well! Let's just get you into that changing room, shall we?
 * Tharja: Hrm... There's not much here to wear. No one want to see ME in this. Unless... Yes perhaps Avatar would like it! This could be the key to winning his/her affections! *Bustle, rustle* *Sproing* Oof... It's a little tight... Is it supposed to hug my chest like this? And why is it...nngh...riding so far up my behind? Just what is this merchant up to, anyway?
 * Merchant: Tharja, are you all changed?
 * Tharja: You should know, vixen swindler. I demand answers!
 * Merchant: What's wrong? You don't like your swimsuit? Hang on. Let me take a look...
 * (Tharja's CG)
 * Tharja: ...Haven't you ever heard of knocking?
 * Merchant: Sorry! It sounded like you needed help. My gosh, Tharja—most women would kill for that body.
 * Tharja: ...Thanks. So did I.
 * Merchant: Er...so what's the problem? The swimsuit looks great on you. I think I picked out the perfect design.
 * Tharja: ...Did you even bother to check my size?
 * Merchant: Uh-oh. Too tight?
 * Tharja: My uncanny valleys beg for reprieve. You bought me size too small on purpose, didn't you?
 * Merchant: I'm sorry, Tharja. I guess I got too focused on the design. And anyway, it's hard to get someone's measurements right based on hearsay. you've got a lot more, er, femininity than I'd heard.
 * Tharja: Spare me your flattery, slattern. Now I'll never win Avatar's affections! I can't even step outside.
 * Merchant: Avatar... Your tactician, right? He/She didn't quite make the swimsuit list, but he/she scored high in the polls. I'd say he's/she's even on par with you.
 * Tharja: ...What? On par? ...We have parity?! Then it's true! Some force binds us!
 * Merchant: Tharja? Slow down! You'll rip the swimsu—
 * Tharja: Aside, woman. I must change my attire at once and join my chosen one. My keep perception does not lie!
 * Merchant: Well, that was an adventure, wasn't it, Tharja?
 * Tharja: I've ventured into worse. Are we don't here?
 * Merchant: Yes. Sorry your swimsuit was too small.
 * Tharja: I will lose no sleep over your bust-binding torture device. Now if you'll excuse me...Avatar needs me.
 * (Tharja leaves)
 * Merchant: Right, um...bye? Well, she's certainly got personality. No wonder she rocked the polls.

Chrom
"It feels a bit strange to get the celebrity treatment... But I'll admit—after a long march, it's nice to be pampered. The least we can do in return is live up to the gossip and rout these fiends!"

- Chrom's pre-battle quote.

The Avatar
"This place is stunning. It hardly feels like we're in the midst of battle. Once this mess is dealt with, we should let the others take a load off. Does that sound all right to you, brigand? ...Good!"

- The Avatar's pre-battle quote.

Gaius
"Hey, if you're gonna pick a spot to plunder, you could do much worse... You've got sun, surf....all that lip-smacking fruit ripe for the plucking... ...Wait what am I saying? I think the heat here is starting to get to me..."

- Gaius' pre-battle quote.

Cordelia
"The blue water, the rhythm of the waves... The ocean is so romantic. Or at least it would be if you rogues weren't fouling it up. You'll pay for sowing these happy sands with strife!"

- Cordelia's pre-battle quote.

Tharja
"Why is everyone having so much fun...ugh, gag me...so much FUN? This "resort" nonsense will only lead to trouble. I must distract myself... You there... Prepare to be cursed in Avatar's name!"

- Tharja's pre-battle quote.

W/The Avatar (male)

 * Avatar: The Outrealms' hottest resort, huh? I don't doubt it. This place is amazing! We could have so much fun out here. Swimming, collecting seashells...
 * Chrom: It's true we don't get very many chances to relax in our own world.
 * Avatar: Ack! Chrom?! You heard all of that?
 * Chrom: If you're going to talk to yourself so loudly, I'd suggest moving farther down the beach.
 * Avatar: I'm sorry. I shouldn't be daydreaming like that in the middle of battle.
 * Chrom: Not at all. Everyone needs to unwind now and again. You should enjoy yourself. I've seen how tense you tend to become in the heat of battle, Avatar... If this isn't the place to let your hair down a little, I don't know where is.
 * Avatar: Is that an order? Because if it is, I'm not complaining! Seriously, though, I've never been anywhere this beautiful before. It's so relaxing... Or perhaps I've been here hundreds of times and I just don't remember...
 * Chrom: Avatar...
 * Avatar: Sorry. Didn't mean to get all somber on you there. If my commander's ordered me to let my hair down, who am I to argue? I've spotted an interesting creature when I passed by that tide pool over there... I'm going back for a closer look!
 * (Avatar leaves)
 * Chrom: Heh. I don't think I've ever seen Avatar so excited. This place is everything it's cracked up to be. I owe it to him to help him enjoy it as much as he can while we're here. I only wish I knew how to go about it... Should I spoil him like Frederick does me? Maybe I'll help him gather seashells. ...... Or maybe not. I feel ridiculous. I'll think of something...
 * (Avatar returns)
 * Avatar: Chrom, check it out! I caught that weird creature! Isn't this thing bizarre? I wonder if we could put it to any tactical use...
 * Chrom:......
 * Avatar: What's wrong, Chrom? Don't you like it? I know it's not the cutest critter, but it's kinda cute in its own way!
 * Chrom: Hmm? No, no, it's fine. I was just distracted, sorry. Don't worry about me. Go frolic with your weird little friend to your heart's content.
 * Avatar: Well when you put it that way...

W/The Avatar (male)

 * Gaius: Oh ho! This spirally blue shell oughta sell for a nice stack of coin.
 * Avatar: Gaius!
 * Gaius: Oh, hey there, Bubbles. What's with the shouting?
 * Avatar: D-didn't a huge volley of arrows just fall on this exact spot?
 * Gaius: Oh yeah, a whole bunch of 'em. But I'm fine. They all missed.
 * Avatar: They all missed, huh? And you're not afraid the same thing might happen again? Come on, you need to get out of here!
 * Gaius: Sorry, but not a good time. You wouldn't believe the treasure that's just lying here! Look at these shells! I can't just leave 'em—they've got to be worth some serious cash!
 * Avatar: Seashells? What, you're going to sell them and use the money to buy candy?
 * Gaius: Well, something like that, sure.
 * Avatar: Gaius! Look out!
 * Gaius: Much obliged, Bubbles. You pushed me outta the way just in time.
 * Avatar: "Much obliged"?! That arrow could have killed you! For the love of the gods, stop collecting seashells and take this battle seriously!
 * Gaius: What, you're saying I'm not taking my fighting seriously now?
 * Avatar: If by "now" you mean you were almost perforated while gathering shells, then yes!
 * Gaius: Pah, you were distracting me. I'm here keeping an eye on enemy movements.
 * Avatar: You've got to be kidding! You're blaming ME for distracting YOU?!
 * Gaius: I didn't say that exactly. You gotta stop reading so much into everything.
 * Avatar: What?! That's exactly what you said! Hmph! Fine, do whatever you want. Sorry if my trying to save your life cut into your precious seashell-gathering time! You can jump into the ocean and...and go pearl diving for all I care!
 * (Avatar leaves)
 * Gaius: Huh. He didn't seem to happy about that. That pearl-diving bit was pretty weak too. Should a stormed away a line earlier...
 * Avatar:

Cordelia W/The Avatar (married version)

 * Cordelia: My, isn't this a beautiful shell! Look how the waves have polished away its edges... This beach is filled to overflowing with lovely treasures. It truly is paradise!
 * Avatar: Cordelia?
 * Cordelia: Oh! Avatar! Is...is everything okay?!
 * Avatar: That's what I came to ask you! I saw you crouching in the sand here and was worried you'd been wounded!
 * Cordelia: Oh, no. I'm fine. But thank you for your concern. I was just...checking my bindings. We do have to watch our footing in this sand!
 * Avatar: That's very prudent of you, Cordelia. But if you ever get hurt, don't be afraid to let me know, okay? You can be so stubborn, you know? I worry sometimes... Anyway, you carry on. I'd better be getting back to—Huh? Why are there so many seashells piled up behind you?
 * Cordelia: Hm? Oh, these? Umm, maybe the brigands were gathering them for some reason... I'll just put them safely over here. We, um... wouldn't want anyone to trip over them.
 * Avatar: Okay, thanks. I'll leave that to you.
 * Cordelia: Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!
 * (Avatar leaves)
 * Cordelia: Phew, that was close... Wait—what was close? What am I hiding? Avatar is my husband. I shouldn't have to hide things from him. I could have just admitted I was collecting seashells... Ooh, isn't that one a beauty! And that one... And that one too!"

W/The Avatar (Male) (normal version)

 * Tharja: ......
 * Avatar: Hey, uh...Tharja?
 * Tharja: Oh? You're taking to me, Avatar'? What a delight! How can I help you?
 * Avatar: Well...I was wondering why you've been following me around all day. I mean, even when you run off to fight a foe, you come straight back to me.
 * Tharja: Is it so strange for me to want to be by your side every moment of the day?
 * Avatar: Uh, yeah, kinda...
 * Tharja: But it's so nice to spend time together by the sea. I don't want to miss a moment! Needless to say, if you weren't here. I'd be bored out of my skull. But when I'm with you, it feels as if we've been swept away to an island paradise...
 * Avatar: Oh, uh...okay? Well, in that case, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.
 * Tharja: You're so kind, Avatar. Can I ask you a favor?
 * Avatar: Uh, sure. What is it?
 * Tharja: I want you to slather my body with oil.
 * Avatar: S-slather you? With...oil?
 * Tharja: Well, you wouldn't want my skin to dry out in this heat now, would you? And I can't reach my back and, you know...other places.
 * Avatar: You want me to rub oil on your back?! Don't you think that's a little, um... P-perhaps you'd be better off asking a girl to help?
 * Tharja: No. I want you to do it. Otherwise, what's the point?
 * Avatar: Uh, I thought the point was to protect your skin...
 * Tharja: Tee-hee...
 * Avatar: Wh-why are you blushing? Anyway, we're in the middle of a battle. Sorry, but your oil will have to wait. And I really would suggest that you ask another woman to help...
 * (Avatar leaves)
 * Tharja: Avatar, wait! Where are you going? Oh, why must he be so difficult? Still, he can't evade me for long on this beach. There's literally no where to hide! Hee... Hee hee hee!
 * Avatar:

W/ Cordelia

 * Cordelia: Phew, it certainly is hot out here...
 * Tharja: You can say that again.
 * Cordelia: Uh-h. Don't look now, but I think you're getting a tan...
 * Tharja: What? How? I've barely been outside for five minutes!
 * Cordelia: I guess with your complexion, even a little sun makes a big difference. Besides, it's kind of inevitable when you're waking around half naked like that.
 * Tharja: Half-naked?! How dare you! Did you not notice my cloak? It's not like I'm strutting around in my underwear like these...beach strumpets!
 * Cordelia: I don't really see how what they wear is any different to what's under your cloak... Or perhaps I'm missing something? Here, take that off. Let me have a look.
 * Tharja: Touch me, and I'll blight your prying fingers, girl!
 * Cordelia: All right, all right! It was a joke.
 * Tharja: Hmph. I suppose I am showing a bit more skin than usual. But I confess I was blissfully unaware of it until you brought it up... Ugh. This is mortifying.
 * Cordelia: No, no! You said you were fine with it before—just forget I said anything!
 * Tharja: You and I both know that's not going to happen. Nope. It's official. I'm completely and utterly mortified...

W/ Chrom

 * Avatar: Hey, Chrom! How goes the battle on your— ...Huh? What's up with all those seashells?
 * Chrom: Oh, hello, Avatar. I was trying to fashion a necklace out of the. It didn't go well.
 * Avatar: You were fashioning a necklace...? Has this been a hobby of yours for long? It looks as if they've been completely pulverized. What went wrong?
 * Chrom: Well, I can at least say I have a talent for smashing things in frustration...
 * Avatar: So it seems... And what's that behind you? What are those charred lumps?
 * Chrom: Those are...er, WERE fish. I was trying to cook them. They got burned.
 * Avatar: That's putting it kindly...
 * Chrom: Yeah, it didn't exactly pan out as intended.
 * Avatar: Huh. Well...I guess even the greatest chefs burn things now and again... And I'll pretend I haven't noticed the collapsed sand castle or the half-build raft... And what is that? A bug-infested tropical fruit salad? ...I'll just ignore that too.
 * Chrom: That would probably be for the best.
 * Avatar: Listen, Chrom, I'm sure my excitement for the beach was infectious, but...well, maybe it's best to save these...activities...for after the battle's done.
 * Chrom: No, you're right. But first, there's one more thing I want you to see. Now that it's done, I think it might've been a terrible idea, but...
 * Avatar: Really? There's more? What is it this ti— Oh my!
 * Chrom: So...what do you think?
 * Avatar: ...... Pfft... Ha ha ha... AAAAH ha ha ha ha ha! "Chrom & Avatar Were Here." Ha ha! Did you write this all by yourself?
 * Chrom: Yes.
 * Avatar: Ha ha! Just imagine you slaving over this giant scrawl is enough to—! Ha ha! I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't be mocking my commander in a time of war... B-but...! Ha ha ha! I'm sorry! It's just too funny!
 * Chrom: So did you...like it?
 * Avatar: Like it? Ha ha! Are you kidding? I loved it!
 * Chrom: Whew. Then it was worth the effort. ...And the humiliation. I'm glad I was able to do something to make you happy.
 * Avatar: Wait, Chrom... Don't tell me all this... All of these ruined projects... That was you trying to make me happy?
 * Chrom: Is that so strange? I mean, you're the whole reason we were invited here in the first place. So I've been trying to figure out some way I could show my gratitude. And, you know...you don't have any memories before we met. So I thought I might be able to help you make some new ones...
 * Avatar: Oh, Chrom... I didn't realize. Thank you. Thank you so much.
 * Chrom: Well, I'm not sure thanks are in order. After all, all of my ideas ended in disaster...
 * Avatar: Heh. Well, that may be so, but I still owe you one. After all, it's not fair if I'm the only one having fun here! So once this battle's over, let's think up something we can enjoy together. Deal?
 * Chrom: All right. You've got yourself a deal.

W/ Gaius

 * Gaius: Seems I got most of the good shells on this stretch of beach. Oh, wait. Looks like I missed something over there... What the...? It's wrapped in paper... Hey, this is a piece of coconut brittle! There's a whole line of 'em! Sweet, sweet candy as far as the eye can see! Man, this must be my lucky day. Well, time to start filling my pockets! ...... .......
 * Avatar: ......
 * Gaius: Wha—? Bubbles!
 * Avatar: Good job, Mr. Master Thief. I can't believe that actually worked.
 * Gaius: Wait... You're the one who left all that candy lying around?
 * Avatar: Yep. I needed to figure out a way to lead your here. Who would've though the simplest idea would turn out to be the best?
 * Gaius: Hmph. What's with trying to lure me here anyhow? First you run of all upset, and now you're trying to reel me back in? Like to wear a guy out before hitting him with a second dose of lectures, huh?
 * Avatar: Actually, I wanted to apologize about before.
 * Gaius: Huh? Did a coconut fall on your head or something?
 * Avatar: Frederick saw our little talk earlier, and he filled me in. He told me you were always on the hunt for valuables. It's not so you can buy candy, is it? It's so you can help fund the army.
 * Gaius: *Sigh* That little tattletale... I told him not to say anything—especially around you or Chrom.
 * Avatar: Well, regardless of that, now I know, and I feel absolutely terrible. Thanks for performing such a vital service—and for being so modest about it.
 * Gaius: Pah, don't worry about it. If I'd wanted gratitude, I'd have told you myself. ...Still, at least now you know I WAS taking things seriously back there
 * Avatar: Thanks, Gaius. But it really is dangerous out here. Why don't you call it a day?
 * Gaius: Are you kidding? The more money we make, the better the gear we can buy, right?
 * Avatar: Hm. It's true we could use the money for new equipment... But it's not worth risking valuable military assets to acquire funds. And believe me, Gaius, you're a valuable asset. And an even more valuable friend.
 * Gaius: ...... All right, let's say I do hold off on the treasure hunting—what's in it for me?
 * Avatar: You...you want a reward?! B-but I don't have anything to offer...
 * Gaius: Heh, I'm just kidding, Bubbles. These coconut brittles are payment enough. It's good to know someone like you is looking out for someone like me.
 * Avatar: Gaius...
 * Gaius: Well, now that we've made nice, you can go on ahead. I need to make sure I didn't miss any of these tasty little fellas.
 * (Gaius leaves)
 * Avatar: What? But it's too dangerous! They're firing more arrows! Gaius, wait! Listen, I'll give you more candy later! Gaius? Gaiuuus! Gah, I knew I shouldn't have left so many of those stupid things...

W/ Cordelia (married version)

 * Cordelia: Aaand...it's perfect! Just the right amount of exotic flair!
 * Avatar: What are you doing with all those lances, Cordelia?
 * Cordelia: Oh! Avatar! There are, uh, um... I wasn't goofing off, it that's what you're implying!
 * Avatar: Huh?
 * Cordelia: In fact, I was... Oh! Yes! I was testing new ways to increase a throwing lance's range! Specifically, attaching these seashells for their...aerodynamic properties. Let's give it a try! Hii-YAH! See!
 * Avatar: Wow! You hit the tree dead center! And from this far away too. It totally worked!
 * Cordelia: Um, yes! Just as I theorized! So...it's luck I made so many shell enhanced lances!
 * Avatar: I'm really impressed, Cordelia. Hey, do you think this one will fly as far?
 * Cordelia: Th-that one? Uh...
 * Avatar: The shells make it really pretty too! Here, let me have a throw...
 * Cordelia: Avatar, no! Stop! Don't throw that one, please! It's...it's my favorite.
 * Avatar: Your favorite?
 * Cordelia: I'm sorry. All of that was a lie. I wasn't developing new aerodynamic lances... I just really like seashells. So I was using them to decorate my weapons.
 * Avatar: You were? But that lance you threw flew really far!
 * Cordelia: That was just...adrenaline.
 * Avatar: Adrenaline?!
 * Cordelia: Yes. The shells don't help at all. It was just brute strength. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't waste time like this in the middle of a battle. For me to be playing like a child while my husband frantically drafts battle plans is... You must be so disappointed in me... If you want to annul our marriage, I...I'll understand.
 * Avatar: Calm down, Cordelia. You're blowing this way out of proportion. I'm not disappointed in you at all. In fact, this only makes me love you more.
 * Cordelia: It...does?
 * Avatar: Yeah. You always seem so serious, you know? Sometimes I worry that you don't know how to relax and let off steam. So I'm happy I was able to see a whole other side of you today.
 * Cordelia: ...Thank you, Avatar.
 * Avatar: And look at you, playing like a kid on the beach! Who knew you could be so cute?
 * Cordelia: C-cute?! There is nothing "cute" about me!
 * Avatar: Wait, are you blushing? Ha! You're getting cuter by the second!
 * Cordelia: Damn it, Avatar! Stop teasing me! You know I hate that!
 * Avatar: Oh ho! Coming at me with your lance? Sloppy form—I saw that a mile away! Look how easy I can just side step it, and—
 * Cordelia: Right into my trap!
 * Avatar: Huh?! Umm-ah!
 * Cordelia: ...... Heh. Some master tactician you are! You left your lips wide open!
 * Avatar: C-Cordelia... I can't believe you'd just...
 * Cordelia: ...I'd just kiss you in front of the whole army like that? Then you underestimate me. Now who's getting sloppy?
 * Avatar: Damn it!
 * Cordelia: What's this? You've gone beet red! Is that all it takes to make you blush? My, my—you're getting cuter by the second!
 * Avatar: It's bad enough that I underestimated you—now I've lost the initiative as well. This is not going according to plan...
 * Cordelia: Is that a problem? Haven't your heard strong wives make for happy marriages? But if you're that upset, I guess you'll have to plan a counterattack. I'd suggest a surprise romantic offensive of overwhelming proportions, personally...
 * Avatar: I'm way ahead of you! But I'll make sure the specific plan of attack is one you'll never see coming!
 * Cordelia: I'll be looking forward to it! But know that I'll always be watching you...and only you. I love you, Avatar. I always will.

W/ Tharja (normal version)

 * Tharja: Hee hee... There you are, Avatar!
 * Avatar: Th-Tharja?! Is this about the oil again?
 * Tharja: You really are clever! How did you know? Well then, please begin rubbing it in when you're ready. And don't be afraid to put plenty on—you'll be hearing no complaints from me.
 * Avatar: I'm sure I won't... Listen, Tharja, did I not make myself clear? I can't be doing this right now!
 * Tharja: ...... No. No, of course you can't. How selfish of me. You belong to everyone, of course. And they'd never let me have you to myself. Oh no.
 * Avatar: Um, Tharja? What are you talking about?
 * Tharja: When the battle's over, you'll run off to join them... And I'm sure you'll all have a wonderful time together in this...ugh...beautiful place. Silly me for thinking I might get some time with you in the battle, at least. Not even when I have a perfectly legitimate excuse...
 * Avatar: Um...
 * Tharja: But alas, even here I'm just a nuisance. I'll leave to to fight...unencumbered. Sorry for distracting you.
 * Avatar: N-no! Tharja! Wait!
 * Tharja: Hmm?
 * Avatar: It's not like that at all! I don't think of you as a nuisance! It's just that...well, doing that at a time like this would put us both in danger!
 * Tharja: ......
 * Avatar: I promise you, I don't value you any less than anyone else. If you'd like to spend time with me outside of battle, you need only ask. We are friends, after all.
 * Tharja: ...Really? You'd want to talk to me even after the battle's over?
 * Avatar: Of course I would!
 * Tharja: ...And rub body oil on me?
 * Avatar: Um, well... Now, that...
 * Tharja: I thought you said I wasn't a nuisance! So you're just humoring me, is that it?!
 * Avatar: N-no! No, I swear! It's okay. I'll...I'll do it. I'd be happy to oil you up!
 * Tharja: Thank you, Avatar... You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that. Ahh, just imagine... Avatar's big, strong hands... Here...and there...and over there...
 * Avatar: Um...Tharja?
 * Tharja: Come. We must dispense with these brigands as quickly as possible! The longer they last, the less quality time we'll have together. Hee hee...Now, what curse would work best... Maybe one to send them hurtling into the see to become bloody fish food?
 * Avatar: *Gulp* I suppose I should count myself lucky she's so fond of me...

W/ Tharja

 * Cordelia: Hi, Tharja. Feeling a little less self-conscious about your outfit yet?
 * Tharja: Very much so. I attached a de-shaming talismin on my back, and now I feel just fine about it.
 * Cordelia: Let me have a look... Wow. It's, uh...not very subtle.
 * Tharja: Hm? What do you mean?
 * Cordelia: Well, it's just a piece of paper with "mortification" written on it.
 * Tharja: That's how these things work. Whatever you write on them gets canceled out. I was mortified, so I wrote "mortification" and presto—no more embarrassment.
 * Cordelia: But it's right there for anyone to see! Isn't it even more mortifying walking around with the very word on your back?
 * Tharja: *Sigh* That's the whole point. NOTHING is mortifying thanks to thins thing.
 * Cordelia: Oh, right. Sorry. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this... So if I were to take it off, would it stop working?
 * Tharja: My, you're a sharp one.
 * Cordelia: Interesting. Let's try it and see, shall we? Here goes...
 * Tharja: W-wait, don't—! Oh, gods, this is horrifying. Just kill me now...
 * Cordelia: I see. So now we stick it back on, and...
 * Tharja: My, it sure is hot. Why don't I throw off my cloak and take a nice dip in the sea?
 * Cordelia: And off again...
 * Tharja: Ugh, my calf is showing! Why didn't I wear a bigger cloak?
 * Cordelia: This is fascinating! Okay, let's put it back on...
 * Tharja: All right, that's enough. If you value your fingers, you won't mess with it again.
 * Cordelia: Heh. Sorry, Tharja. I...I'm only teasing your because I'm jealous. I wish I had the guts to wear something like that. You dress so wonderfully!
 * Tharja: Is that all? If that's what's bothering you, maybe I can help. We are...allies, after all.
 * Cordelia: Wow, really? I would love that! If you could show me around some boutiques, I'd be—
 * Tharja: I meant I could erase your jealousy with a curse.
 * Cordelia: O-oh... Um, let me get back to you on that...
 * Tharja: