The Golden Gaffe/Script

Outrealm Gate

 * Victor : Oi, Vincent! Why the long face, mate? You look like the lad what got bounced from the pub.
 * Vincent : It's me pockets, Victor! They're lighter'n a vicar's purse on tax day. I laid down to 'have a little kip an' woke up to find me gold gone! Ain't been this broke since me dear ol' mum blew the rent on bangers an' mash.
 * Victor: Now now, don't be such a mug! I knows 'ow to replace yer coin. We just go in this 'ere mansion, kill all them Risen, nick their gold, and Bob's yer uncle!
 * Vincent: Blimey, Vic! You really fink them dead blokes are carryin' 'round cash? It don't make no sense.
 * Victor: ​Nuffin' makes sense 'ere, mate, so don't try to suss it out. Like, 'ow'd we get 'ere, like? And 'ow'd we get such trig 'aircuts? You just gotta roll wiv it.
 * Vincent: Blimey, Vic, yer right! This 'ere's a bloody gold mine! I'll be so loaded down wiv the shiny stuff, me knees'll buckle!
 * Chrom: Hello? ...Is someone there?
 * Victor: Cor! What's this then? A fly in the ol' ointment, eh?
 * Vincent: That bloke'll foil our grand plan, 'e will! Time to do a runner, Vic!
 * Chrom: ...What did I just hear?

Before Battle Starts

 * Lissa: Oh, no! Chrom! You won't believe this!
 * Chrom: What's wrong?
 * Lissa: The Risen stole our gold! ...All of it!
 * Chrom: Our entire war chest? How could that happen?!
 * Lissa: No, no, hold on. When I said "our gold", what I really meant was "my gold". I can see how that might sound confusing there... Avatar was guarding the army's cash reserve, so that's totally safe. But my nest egg! The Risen made off with my life savings!
 * Chrom: ...You have a nest egg?
 * Lissa: Well, sure? We all put a little money aside for...you know. Personal stuff? I save whatever I make or find in the gutter or whatever. It adds up!
 * Chrom: Gods, Lissa, you pick up coins from the gutter?
 * Lissa: Um, yeah. Doesn't everyone?
 * Frederick: Indeed we do! To think, all those hours of backbreaking labour, wasted...
 * Chrom: Frederick?! Not you, too?!
 * Frederick: I'm afraid so, milord. Those blasted ghouls pilfered my entire savings. We should strike back at once! Teach them a lesson about touching my- Er... That is, they oculd on to rob others! We must strike for future generations' sake!
 * Chrom: Right. And certainly not out of greed or embarrassment...
 * Frederick: Precisely, milord. Now, to battle!
 * Lissa: Yeah, Chrom! To battle! ...And all that other stuff Frederick said!
 * Chrom: *sigh...*

Chrom
"Why in the seven hells am I fighting for someone else's nest egg? I don't think I've had a less inspiring cause in my whole life. Well, as long as there are enemies here. I may as well use them for training."

- Chrom's pre-battle quote.

Avatar
"The Deadlords possess skills as we do. They are dangerous foes. I'll need to exercise caution when directing the others. Not even the finest of treasures is worth getting a comrade killed..."

- The Avatar's pre-battle quote.

Frederick
"Are you the Risen who's been doing all the thieving? You stole from a princess, too! ...I cannot let this go unpunished. Prepare to be shaken down, knave!"

- Frederick's pre-battle quote.

Virion
"Face it, you pilfering Risen. I have outwitted you. I am too clever to carry gold on my person! Stop glaring! I have money! ...I just don't carry it."

- Virion's pre-battle quote.

Stahl
"*sigh* I wonder which of these Risen ran off with MY money. I was saving that gold for a good meal... *groan* Aw, why'd I have to go and think about food?"

- Stahl's pre-battle quote.

Vaike
"The Vaike doesn't save money, so I got no quarrel with you. The Vaike's friends, on the other hand? They kinda want you dead. And ol' Teach leaves no plea unanswered!"

- Vaike's pre-battle quote.

Miriel
"I am far too organized to fall victim to larceny. However, the thought of you ransacking the belongings of others disquiets me. Think of the mess you make in the process! You simply must perish."

- Miriel's pre-battle quote.

Sumia
"G-give me back my gold! That's all I have to pay for the stuff I break when I trip! And I trip a LOT..."

- Sumia's pre-battle quote.

Kellam
"If you lot have been stealing from everyone, why'd you leave my gold? It's sitting right in my tent! In a bag with the word "GOLD" on the side! Gosh, even my wallet lacks presence..."

- Kellam's pre-battle quote.

After Battle

 * Chrom:
 * Lissa:
 * Chrom: Lissa... we need to talk.
 * Lissa: Pretty great we got the gold back, huh? So can I collect my nest egg now?
 * Chrom: Right, as if you could carry it all yourself... Lissa, what were you thin-
 * Lissa: Three gold, please!
 * Chrom: ...Come again?
 * Lissa: Three gold. One, two, three. That's how much I'm missing.
 * Frederick: 17 gold here, please.
 * Chrom: Se...ven...teen...?
 * Lissa: Wow, Frederick, double digits? Look at you, Sir Moneybags!
 * Frederick: Well, you tend to come across decent coin searching roads and hunting for firewood...
 * Lissa: And here I thought you were collecting pebbles the whole time!
 * Chrom: Um, not to interrupt...
 * Frederick: Yes, milord?
 * Lissa: Hey, I'm still waiting on my three gold, Chrom. Don't be stingy!
 * Chrom: You'll get your three gold, I promise. But... Aren't nest eggs usually a little bit... Oh, I don't know...
 * Lissa: Bigger? I know. But money doesn't just grow on trees, Chrom!
 * Chrom: Then where did the rest of all this gold come from?!
 * Lissa: All this gold? All what go- ...Oh my GODS! Don't tell me all of that came from just those Risen?! Someone in the Shepherds must've been getting ready to open a bank!
 * Frederick: No, milady. Not possible. Even the pathetic pocket change of all our units would not add up to half of this.
 * Chrom: ...Then who did the Risen take it from?

Outrealm Gate

 * Victor: 'Ow'd it go, Vince? Didja gut them Risen and strike it rich?
 * Vincent: Cor! Was a right beastly mess, it was. Turns out them Risen blokes was the ones what nicked me coppers in the first place. But they was chopped into chum before I could save me savings! That blue-'aired bloke sallied in and legged it wiv every last penny!
 * Victor: Blimey, Vince! If that ain't insult to injury! Still, I fink you got another chance. Them shamblin' types is undead, yeah? Which means this mansion's still stuffed to the gills wiv Risen! If you're of a mind to come back'n try again, I wager you could!
 * Vincent: It's like me dear ol' mum used to say, "If at first ya don't succeed... Retry the level and don't louse it up this time, ya daft arse!"
 * Victor: 'At's the spirit, Vince! Now whatsay I treat you to a trim at the barb- Huh?! Cor blimey! Me gold! It's gone!
 * Vincent: Vic, don't tell me them Risen rapscallions done pinched yer pennies, too?
 * Victor: I fink they did, Vincent. Them blokes broke me bank AND me 'eart!
 * Vincent: Well then, mate. I reckon there's only one fing for it... Time we stopped beatin' a dead 'orse, and started beatin' a dead corpse!