Beach Brawl/Script

Opening Diologue

• Leo: Well, then we're stuck, Xander. Azura doesn't want it.
• Xander: Then I'm out of answers. If there was only somebody who would step in...
• Ryoma: What's the matter? If Nohr is in need, you can count on Hoshido to help. Pray tell---what can I do for you my noble equals?
• Takumi: Yes, tell us. You're looking grim, Xander.
• Xander: How considerate for you and your brother to come running. We're in the possession of something that threatens to divide our family.
• Takumi: What?! Then we've come just in time.
• Ryoma: I see. Tell me what is tearing your kin asunder—I will destroy it.
• Xander: A ticket to a tropical Island. You see, Avatar is the source of our troubles yet again. He/she won the ticket in the lottery. But he/she refuses to go on vacation.
• Ryoma: How noble of of our Avatar, to give up a dream vacation in the favor of duty.
• Xander: No, it's vexing to the extreme. Our Avatar has insisted that one of his/her siblings take the vacation. We can't figure out which of us should go instead—it's a huge headache.
• Ryoma: What? And now you bring Hoshido into your Nohr headache? But we are his/her family too. So I demand that he/she go on this vacation!
• Xander: You fine fool. You think that I didn't try that? Our Avatar never listens. He/she said that we've all made such terrible sacrifices—so we deserve it more.
• Ryoma: Ridiculous!
• Xander: I'm glad to hear that you agree. So, why don't YOU take the ticket?
• Ryoma: What? ME?
• Xander: I declare that this hot potato is now in YOUR court. No royal of Nohr has time for such tropical frippery. Surely, if there is anyone born for a life lazing on a beach towel...it's you.
• Ryoma: A dangerous jest—you know I am twice as busy as you, Xander. And so I pass this hot potato... to you, my brother.
• Takumi: What? I don't want to go waste my time on some beach. Make the little lord Leo go.
• Leo: And get a tan? I'd rather sear my skin to a crisp in a well-stocked forge.
• Takumi: Huh? Really?
• Xander: Then we remain at an impasse. We must ask our sisters. But I doubt Camilla would go anywhere without Avatar. And there's no telling what trouble Elise would get into there.
• Ryoma: I fear that Hinoka and Sakura will be no help on my side either. So it seems that Hoshido cannot help Nohr with this ticket predicament. I admit defeat.
• Odin: Defeat? Allow me to pluck that word out of the air before it spoils the mood.
• Niles: And allow me to lay it gently back upon your tongue, O prince.
• Leo: Niles! How many times have I told you to never speak to nobility that way?
• Laslow: My, my! Who knew that a vacation could make the royal tempers flare? I think a member of our royal family ought to take the vacation.
• Peri: I'll slaughter this hot potato so Lord Xander can go! Where is it?
• Xander: Eavesdropping, my retainers?
• Takumi: You'd never see this sort of shoddy service from our retainers.
• Hinata: You gotta go on this vacay, Lord Takumi! You deserve it way more.
• Oboro: Um...? Am I wrong. Lord Takumi? You've always wished for a trip like this.
• Takumi: Quiet, you two! What are you doing lurking in the shadows?
• Saizo: It's what we do. Ever at hand. Just in case.
• Kagero: Yes, you never know when we must fight for a ticket to paradise.
• Ryoma: Here you two are as well. Will none of you stay out of our business?
• Odin: No! There comes a time when we retainers must be your saviors. We will drag you into the stress-free abyss known as vacation!
• Peri: I'd do anything to get Lord Xander to this tropical island!
• Oboro: Me, too! For Lord Takumi!
• Kagero: Lord Ryoma needs this vacation. I would stake my life on it.
• Niles: And it would be my pleasure to cut me down for Lord Leo.
• Hinata: Then how about this? Let's fight for it on the battlefield! We'll break into teams. Last one standing wins the vacation!
• Saizo: Fight for our liege...to go on vacation?!
• Laslow: Why not? It will be splendid fun. So, it's a plan. I'll just fetch the royal sisters for this vacation brawl. Toodle-oo!
• Xander: What?! I forbid it, Laslow! You overstep yet again!...Ryoma, DO something!
• Ryoma: Unbelievable. We seem to be powerless to stop this unfurling disaster.
• Xander: Then we will have a battle that will pit Nohr against Hoshido.
• Ryoma: And brother against brother! Sister against sister! As well as—what horror—sister against brother!
• Xander: I will never forgive Avatar for starting this tropical squabble. But, if we must, let the carnage begin.

Team Ryoma

• Ryoma: Here we go! Saizo! Kagero! Steel yourselves for battle.
• Saizo: I vow as the fifth in a line of Saizos to secure your place in the sun.
• Kagero: I am prepared! I will lay down my life to ensure you lie on a beach blanket.
• Ryoma: Well, if you insist. It will be my honor to fight beside you both for this...noble cause.

Team Xander

• Xander: Let's do this. Peri, Laslow—I will expect your best. No slacking.
• Laslow: My, my! I would never rest on my laurels, milord. I will dance circles around the competition to win your prize.
• Peri: I never lose.
• Xander: Very well. I think that says it all. You both do seem eager to win the day—more than usual.
• Peri: Of course. I live to serve. Just bring me pretty-pretty seashells!
• Laslow: And sketch a beach beauty for me! Don't skimp on the details!
• Xander: What...? Oh, never mind. To battle! But we will discuss this another time.

Team Leo

• Leo: What a colossal waste of time. Fighting for a ticket—that I won't even use? How stupid. I don't care what anyone says. We're leaving.
• Odin: What? Lord Leo, we cannot retreat! This is the most crucial battle of your life. You must reach this fabled isle. To stand there, on the sandy border between the land and sea...? To laze in bliss from dawn to dusk, skin blasted in oil...? To gaze at day's end over the eternal blue as hope drowns...? To see hope rise in the next morn, refreshed in death...?
• Niles: Milord Leo? You should go. I know you want to.
• Leo: What? I do not.
• Niles: Oh, please! I can't stand to hear you deny yourself like this. We're fighting. You're going if we win. And you're getting a tan. Even if Odin and I have to slather you in suntan lotion ourselves.
• Odin: We stand together! You will go to this isle and return a bronze god!
• Leo: Fine—I'll go just to get away from you two. Great. Now I'm going into battle irritated. You'd better cover me.
• Odin: I will have your back, Lord Leo. And your front, sides, and parallel dimensions.
• Niles: As you wish. We want to get you to paradise in one piece.

Battle Quotes

Ryoma

“I've been waiting for this. I won't give up. I won't give in. Now fight me. Any which way—I will still defeat you.”
—Ryoma's pre-battle quote

“The promise of that tropical island must have truly inspired you...”
—When defeated

Kagero

“Good luck. You'll need it, for I will win for Lord Ryoma's sake. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. So he deserves the ease of a beach more than anyone! Have I not convinced you to give up? Then I will take victory from you!”
—Kagero's pre-battle quote

“Ah, if only Lord Ryoma could feel a sea breeze on his shoulders...”
—When defeated

Saizo

“For Lord Ryoma, I would defeat any opponent. My liege will be going to that island. No one else—ever. So please, don't take this personally.”
—Saizo's pre-battle quote

“Lord Ryoma, forgive me. I failed to get you that ticket...”
—When defeated

Hinoka

“I see the enemy—and the enemy is YOU. I don't like all the fuss over this vacation. But my retainers are fighting for me. So I'm fighting for them. Now, get ready for defeat. I hope you don't hold a grudge.”
—Hinoka's pre-battle quote

“Well, I guess I won't be winning that ticket after all...”
—When defeated

Setsuna

“Wow. You looked so... interested in winning this. But I'm interested too... Lady Hinoka needs this trip. She really does. Maybe is you bring me a pineapple...? Oh, never mind.”
—Setsuna's pre-battle quote

“All I wanted was some fruit... Or maybe fresh crab.”
—When defeated

Azama

“Oh, my! Here you are, driven by worldly concerns. Allow me to enlighten you—by taking that concern away. Lady Hinoka will be winning that ticket, no matter what. Hmm? Does my devotion to my liege surprise you so? Well, we bring her strife and joy in equal measures. And so, the balance of life is preserved for another day. Now, let's begin.”
—Asama's pre-battle quote

“Oh, my! The weight of this vacation... has been thrown all out of balance...”
—When defeated

Takumi

“A tropical island? Dare I dream...? The sun, the sand, the... HUH?! You didn't hear that! Did you? I'm only fighting because... well, because they're making me!”
—Takumi's pre-battle quote

“...Fine. You got me. I really did want to hit that beach.”
—When defeated

Hinata

“You want to fight over that ticket? Don't make me laugh! But this huge brawl is a dream come true...for me. So thanks for coming—and don't take it too hard when you lose!”
—Hinata's pre battle quote

“Aw, I wanted to win that ticket for Lord Takumi so much...”
—When defeated

Oboro

“I'll do my best. And my best is going to be plenty good here! I'm going to win that prize for Lord Takumi, no matter what. Everyone is my enemy—until I win him the ticket. Don't take it too hard. I'm going to beat everyone today!”
—Oboro's pre-battle quote

“How could I let down Lord Takumi this badly...?”
—When defeated

Sakura

“Hmm? Must we battle over this? Well, the truth is that I really wasn't willing to do this. But then I heard about all the fruit on the island! So I'm sorry. But I have to feast upon all that yummy stuff!”
—Sakura's pre-battle quote

“I suppose I'm just not meant to go...”
—When defeated

Hana

“I won't lose! that ticket to paradise is meant for Lady Sakura. Of course, I'll be lonely while she's off having fun. But she's my liege and best friend. So she's GOING.”
—Hana's pre-battle quote

“I failed you, Sakura... Maybe someone will bring back... souvenirs.”
—When defeated

Subaki

“Let's get started. I need to win that ticket for Lady Sakura. Besides, I've already planned the perfect getaway for her. So you can understand why my team needs to win, right?”
—Subaki's pre-battle quote

“I guess that island has stoked your fire more than mine...”
—When defeated

Xander

“We meet again—and now over this troublesome vacation. I hope nobody gets seriously hurt in these battles. But I hate to see my own retainers get injured in all this. And so, let's finish this business!”
—Xander's pre-battle quote

“I've lost? Well then, I hope the victor enjoys the trip.”
—When defeated

Laslow

“My, my! I can only imagine the sights on display up and down the beach. Lord Xander would be such a fortunate fellow to see such delights. First things first, I need to put a stop to your nonsense. Only then can Lord Xander relax. And my, does he need to!”
—Laslow's pre-battle quote

“I was hoping Lord Xander...would tell me all...about those tropical sights.”
—When defeated

Peri

“I never lose! Never, never! Lord Xander will win. And I heard this island has pretty-pretty seashells. He's going to bring some back for me. And you're not going to stop him!”
—Peri's pre-battle quote

“Waaah! I wanted those seashells SO badly!”
—When defeated

Camilla

“You're so cute—putting up such a good fight over this! Normally, I'd never go on a trip without my dear Avatar. But my retainers begged and begged and begged... They really want me to go. And who am I to deny them?”
—Camilla's pre battle quote

“What a pity. But then again, I really didn't want to go without... him/her”
—When defeated

Selena

“No way you are going to win! That ticket is OURS. No one will turn heads on that island like our Lady Camilla. That beach will be her battlefield. She'll reign victorious! Now, get ready to lose!”
—Selena's pre-battle quote

“This stinks! Why do I have to lose to a jerk like you?!”
—When defeated

Beruka

“Well, my mission is to get that ticket for lady Camilla. So I will not fail.”
—Beruka's pre-battle quote

“I guess I'm not the best at this kind of mission...”
—When defeated

Elise

“Yay! Is this a fun party? Who wouldn't want to go to this tropical island, right? The sun! The beach! So much glamour I can't stand it! And going all by myself—that's beyond exciting! Come on! Let's battle so I can start packing for my trip!”
—Elise's pre-battle quote

“Aw, I lost? Oh, well. At least someone will be able to go!”
—When defeated

Effie

“Um, how many people have you taken out so far? Most, I hope. That will make it easier for me to win this for Lady Elise. Let's get this over with. I don't even know who else I have to smash.”
—Effie's pre-battle quote

“Sorry, Lady Elise... I wanted to win that ticket for you myself...”
—When defeated

Arthur

“In the name of justice—this ticket will go to Lady Elise! There is nothing more crucial than a tropical fiesta. Am I unlucky? Yes! But you cannot overcome my conviction. Now, let us resolve who is truly worthy of a moment in the sun!”
—Arthur's pre-battle quote

“Has this fiesta been snatched from my Lady Elise...?”
—When defeated

Closing Diolouge

Team Ryoma

• Ryoma: The battle is ours. Well done, my loyal retainers.
• Saizo: We are unworthy of your praise. Our win is due to your leadership.
• Kagero: Still, an exhausting battle. But the ticket is now yours, Lord Ryoma. I wish you safe travels.
• Ryoma: Thanks to you both. I promise to make the most of my relaxing time there. Please, watch over everything in my absence.

[Inside the castle]

• Saizo: It's been a few days since Lord Ryoma left for his vacation. I am glad that we earned his praise for helping him win that ticket. But it's been unnerving to be separated from the lord that I am sworn to protect.
• Kagero: Saizo—I bring a message from Lord Ryoma.
• Saizo: What?! How did it reach here without ME hearing about it first?
• Kagero: Just listen—it was delivered by a merchant known as Anna. He entrusted her with a letter and a picture of himself at the island.
• Saizo: I suppose you opened it already?
• Kagero: Absolutely not, and I resent you for saying so, Saizo. We won that ticket together, so we should open this together.
• Saizo: Understood. I stand corrected. Now, let's open at once...What the?!
• Kagero: Lord Ryoma! What have you gotten yourself into?!

[CG image]

• Saizo: What's Lord Ryoma doing? Drowning? No—diving.
• Kagero: It seems so. Let's read his letter..."Loyal retainers, I was informed that swimming in the sea is relaxing. But one minute into waves, and I find it all too dull. But I made the most of it. Thus, this." Well, it seems that our Lord Ryoma is keeping up with is combat training.
• Saizo: Amazing. He's seized four fishes with his bare hands.
• Kagero: A slippery challenge. Especially when you consider that fish are very aware creatures. You could sooner catch dandelion seeds in the wind than fish. And yet our lord snatches fish by the fistful.
• Saizo: Lord Ryoma...what I wouldn't give to have seen this in action. Only you could teach schools of fish a lesson in sea combat. But, Kagero—I fear he has failed in his mission to find relaxation.
• Kagero: Wait. There is more to his letter. He writes that after he emerged victorious from the wave...he collapses in exhaustion on the beach and finds it a day well spent. Ah! Then Lord Ryoma lies there until night and marvels at the stars! He writes of it as "relaxing as relaxing can be."
• Saizo: Good to hear it.
• Kagero: Oh! He adds that he is having those fish dried to bring back to us. He writes "That way, you can have a taste of my tropical victories."
• Saizo: What?! He wrote that? I am not worthy of my lord's favor. Bur I will accept it, of course. We are blessed to serve him.
• Kagero: Yes. I agree. This dried fish is such frank expression of his favor.
• Saizo: Hey Kagero—don't let this get to your head. Now, what do you say we double our training until Lord Ryoma returns?
• Kagero: Hmm. You never cease to be disagreeable, do you? And I propose that we triple our training. We must be ready to serve our lord the moment he returns.
• Saizo: Shall we get started?
• Kagero: Yes! While Lord Ryoma relaxes, we will sharpen our steel. Though I am sure as we speak, he is making the sea his battlefield.

Team Leo

• Leo: Well, we won. How awful.
• Odin: The ticket is yours, Lord Leo. And now, let your spirit be reforged in the scorching furnace of paradise!
• Niles: Milord Leo? Promise me you'll wring every last drop of pleasure from this trip.
• Leo: Augh! You monsters. Never in my life have I wanted something less. Fine, I surrender I'll go. Don't get into any weird trouble while I'm gone. Or I'll have your heads.

[Inside the castle]

• Niles: That look of disgust on Lord Leo's face as he left... So exquisite—but the delight has nearly worn off since he's been gone. I can only picture the torments he's endured on that island. Witnessing all those fine forms, tanned to perfection on the beach. The salty sea, running in rivlets as one emerges from the waves. Sand clinging. To everyone. Everywhere. Oh, yes. And then—
• Odin: Stop right there, villain! Not another word!
• Niles: What's this? An eavesdropper? How long have you been lingering at my eaves, Odin?
• Odin: Too long, Niles. Now I need to plug my ears with beeswax!
• Niles: I am merely trying to envision the danger Lord Leo is in. The sun alone—so hot. I've heard, that he may be at risk of a burn.
• Odin: Oh really? All you say is so strange. I can't always make sense of you. Anyway, I came to deliver news of a parchment newly arrived from paradise. It was borne in the hands of a maiden whose locks were licks of fire. Alone in her quest for correspondence, she made her way here, and—
• Niles: Oh, please! Out with it!
• Odin: Fine, fine. We got a letter from Lord Leo. A merchant named Anna came all this way just to deliver it to us.
• Niles: Why couldn't you just say so? And you slander the way I speak. Pot, kettle, black.
• Odin: What? I just state the facts, you strangest of murkmongers! Anyway, this Anna says there's a picture inside of Lord Leo.
• Niles: Intriguing. Open the envelope.
• Odin: Yes! Let us commence the opening. Envelope, I command you... Reveal your truth!

[CG Image]

• Niles: Revealing, yes. More than any of us could have hoped.
• Odin: No! Our lord is torment! How the sweat drips from his face! He slakes his desperate thirst! He cloaks himself against the longing gazes of others!
• Niles: What's this? Your words, Odin, are like a page torn out of my book. Do tell, ARE we on the same page?
• Odin: No. But I will admit... You did foretell of Lord Leo's agony. Are you... a prophet?
• Niles: Don't be silly. I just know him better than you. I've served him for a long time. He has difficulties with having fun.
• Odin: What? How could I not know that? I bow to your skills, sir. I served Lord Leo for only a sliver of a hair's breadth of eternity.
• Niles: Hmm. Odin...
• Odin: Oh, OK. Not for very long. Happy? Anyway, turn your predictive power on the letter. What's in it?
• Niles: As you wish. I think I know what he'd do on vacation.
• Odin: Oh? Let's hear it.
• Niles: Well, he wouldn't go in the water. He hates tanning. He probably stopped going out during the day. He leaves his bungalow only at night.
• Odin: Whoa! That's just what he writes. Right down to the bungalow! Can you tell me what he's drinking in the picture?
• Niles: Yes. At least I can guess. Freshly squeezed tomato juice. He does love a ripe tomato.
• Odin: Right again! Chilling, Niles. You know our lord TOO well.
• Niles: I'll take that as a compliment. What else does he write about? Tasks for us while he's away?
• Odin: No. Just some thanks.
• Niles: Thanking us?
• Odin: Yes! He says the island is not as bad as he thought. And he says it hasn't been an absolute waste of time. In closing, he writes "thanks."
• Niles: How surprising, even for me. I'll have to remember this. Our Lord Leo has secret love of beaches—if only by night.
• Odin: I see all! But I never saw that coming. Still, don't forget that he sent his brief "thanks" to both of us.
• Niles: Oh, I promise you... I'll never forget that.
• Odin: Now, the darkness whispers... I hints that we must prepare for his return. We must throw wreaths at his feet, his brows—from head to toe. We will celebrate our lord's great victory over vacation. Even if he brings us no souvenirs!