Roster Rescue/Script

Pre-Battle Quotes

Chrom

“Who knew we had a roster? And from the sounds of it, quite a scandalous one... Well, my army's reputation is MY reputation. I have to get that book back!”
—Chrom's pre-battle Quote

The Avatar

“Why'd they have to take the roster? Of all the rotten luck... Our enemies could use that information for any number of nefarious purposes... Well, I'm going to get it back. And from now on, I'm taking better care of it!”
—The Avatar's pre-battle quote

Lissa

“Hey! Does that book really say I snort? Come on, you don't honestly believe that stuff, do you? HAH! *snort* ...... ...Okay, now you have to die.”
—Lissa's pre-battle quote.

Frederick

“I may have been sleeping, but still—the book was stolen on my watch. Perhaps had I not stayed up half the night sketching designs for Chrom's new poster... Nevertheless, the time for redemption has come. Prepare to hand over that roster!”
—Frederick's pre-battle quote.

Sully

“Don't try to intimidate me with gossip. I'm a respectably lady, dammit. And no matter what that thing says, I assure you I'm a fine cook! Now gimme back that roster before I shove it up your undead exit pipe!”
—Sully's pre-battle quote.

Virion

“A secret is naught but a sweet discovery by another name. And...perhaps you have made some "sweet discoveries" about our ladies? I am all ears. ...Hmm? Why are you glaring at me? I have the noblest of intentions!”
—Virion's pre-battle quote.

Vaike

“The Vaike isn't afraid of this cloak-and-dagger nonsense. You want to know a dirty secret? I'll tell you a dirty secret: the Vaike doesn't HAVE any secrets! Har har!”
—Vaike's pre-battle quote

Miriel

“How opprobrious of me to overlook a book while cataloguing our library. And how utterly vexing that YOU be privy to its knowledge and not me! Once we have recovered this "roster," I intend to see it managed more carefully”
—Miriel's pre-battle quote

Sumia

“I don't care one bit what saucy tales are written about me... But I won't stand for you spreading nasty rumors about my comrades! Return the roster or face my wrath! I mean it!”
—Sumia's pre-battle quote.

Kellam

“I hope you didn't read that book. ...I mean, not that I should care. I'm the most forgettable Shepherd around. My page is probably blank. Gods, that might be the most depressing secret of them all...”
—Kellam's pre-battle quote.

Donnel

“I'm just an ordinary farmhand, so I reckon I ain't got much in the way of dirty laundry. Least I don't think I do, anyway. ...Do i? Aww, bull plop. I'd better get that darned book back and find out what's in there...”
—Donnel's pre-battle quote.

Lon'qu

“I haven't got any secrets you could possibly use against me. So it matters not what you—hmm? ...Why are you grinning like that? WHAT DID YOU READ?!”
—Lon'qu's pre-battle quote.

Maribelle

“I am, of course, far too noble to have any embarrassing secrets. I sleep quite soundly knowing that I am the absolute pinnacle of propriety! ...What is that look? Don't tell me the book suggests otherwise?!”
—Maribelle's pre-battle quote.

Gaius

“You probably read the roster, right? Tell me everything you know. Do we have any talented cake chefs? Any secret heirs to a cookie fortune? Talk, damn you! These are things I must know!”
—Gaius' pre-battle quote.

Panne

“If word gets out that a taguel has survived, the men who killed my kind may return. I cannot put my comrades in danger for harboring me. The secret dies with you.”
—Panne's pre-battle quote.

Cordelia

“So what fascinating secrets have you uncovered about me? It says I'm compensating with this breastplate, doesn't it? ...Well, that's one secret I'm afraid you're going to have to take back to the grave!”
—Cordelia's pre-battle quote.

Tharja

“Let's make a deal. You tell me what the roster says about Avatar, and I'll let you go. Especially if it's a juicy secret no one else knows... ...No response, huh? Oh dear. Too bad for you...”
—Tharja's pre-battle quote.

Olivia

“Don't tell me ALL of you Risen have peeked at that book? No... This is mortifying! How can I possibly go on living? Well...if this is the end, then I'm taking you with me! All of you!”
—Olivia's pre-battle quote

Cherche

“My, my... You Risen might be the most adorable I've yet seen. But it's not very lovable to run off with other people's secrets, now is it? I'm afraid Minerva and I may just have to get stern with you...”
—Cherche's pre-battle quote.

Henry

“Aww, you peeked at the roster? Now you must know all my perverted little secrets. That's not fair! You'll just have to tell me YOUR secrets... like how much you'll shriek when you die!”
—Henry's pre-battle quote.

Post Script

• Chrom: What a relief...
• Lissa: I'll say... If word had gotten out, we'd have been the laughing stock of the entire realm!
• Chrom: Well, one thing's for certain: it's high time I read that roster cover to cover.
• Lissa: Me too! I want to know all of Avatar's and Frederick's juicy little secrets... Especially since they knew ours and didn't even tell us!
• Frederick: Pardons, did I just hear my name?
• Lissa: Ah, Frederick! Just the guy I'm looking for. What'd you do with that roster of ours?
• Frederick: I returned it to Avatar, milady. Why do you ask?
• Lissa: Okay. Bye now!
• Frederick: Er...bye?
• Chrom: Heh, I think Lissa is planning to read up on you, Frederick. Revenants aren't the only ones who love to gossip, apparently.
• Frederick: Heh, well, as she pleases. I have nothing to...hide... Oh, dear gods, wait. That... Wait, milady! WAAAAAAIT!

Receiving Palla

• Chrom: Poor Avatar... Keeping the roster from those two won't be much fun.
• Avatar: ...You don't know the half of it!
• Chrom: Huh? ...Avatar! What happened to you? Are those...bite marks?!
• Avatar: It's this damned roster! No one will leave me alone! The ones who aren't demanding revisions are trying to peek at others' entries. I have to carry the blasted thing everywhere I go just to keep it safe! How did this fall on me, anyway? I didn't even write it!
• Chrom: Well, you are our tactician. People just assume you're in charge of that sort of thing, I suppose. They'll get over the initial wave of curiosity soon enough. In the meantime, you might want to keep a low profile. And I mean Kellam low.
• Avatar: Heh... Sound advice... Oh, by the way, I found this pressed in the roster once we got it back.
• Chrom: An Einherjar card?
• Avatar: Yes. This one says "Elder Sister Palla." She could be a useful ally.
• Chrom: Looks like she's a flier. Perhaps you might hide the roster in her saddlebag.
• Avatar: Heh heh. Well, I suppose the card makes all this nonsense worth it. I'd best keep moving, though. I'll catch up with you later, Chrom.
• Chrom: Oh, but, Avatar...?
• Avatar: Hmm?
• Chrom: Er...might I check the roster before you go? Just for a moment. It seems there's a mistake about me breaking things I'd like to correct...
• Avatar: *Siiiiiigh*